


Spankin’ Spuffy Limericks

by Rebcake



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Birthday, F/M, Kink, Limericks, Missing Scene, Season/Series 06, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-13
Updated: 2009-09-01
Packaged: 2017-10-03 03:49:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebcake/pseuds/Rebcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Limericks can be silly, naughty, or completely filthy. With Spike and/or Buffy in the mix, it's bound to be all of these. </p><p>Warning: Proceed only if you can handle smut that is entirely in rhyme!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spankin' New Limericks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mere_ubu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mere_ubu/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike indulges in a little friendly payback after that bad scene in the alley in _Dead Things._ Buffy doesn't mind. Much. Could this be the reason they seem so chummy at her birthday party in _Older and Far Away?_

And now, the filthy limericks:

Spike regarded the insolent chit  
Her chin raised, her brow cocked, that's it!  
He'd wipe off that smile  
though it might take awhile  
Be days before she could sit

"Now Buffy, you know you've been snotty  
high-hatting, behaving so haughty.  
It's time that you see  
it hurts you more than me  
Tonight's the last time you'll be naughty."

He undid his buckle, real slow  
She foolishly let her eyes roll  
He whipped his belt free  
Tipped her over his knee  
Her wrists bound behind: Rodeo!

She struggled, she bellowed out, "Spike!"  
He chuckled, "I know what you like"  
He flipped up her skirt  
Promised, "It's gonna hurt"  
Prepared to dole out the first strike

He paused to admire the view  
He'd soon change that apricot hue  
Like a sailor she swore  
as she wriggled some more  
All he saw were her pink briefs, askew

He mused, "What to do about them?"  
while he idly plucked at the trim  
He decided, like a guy  
to drop them mid-thigh  
Pulled roughly, knuckles skimming her quim

His hand then returned to her cheeks  
Gave each a hard pinch, to her shrieks  
He'd see blooming rosies  
and shocking pink posies  
A garden of delights, s'what he seeks

He brought his palm down with a crack  
Then followed it up with a smack  
Two hand prints, so pretty  
He'd like a photo, it's a pity  
No camera, he resumes his attack

The blows rained down, rat-a-tat-tat  
She yowled like a Siamese cat  
Her lovely bottom was blazing  
She looked entirely amazing  
He took a deep sniff, what was that?

He spread her bum cheeks for a look  
She whimpered, trembled and shook  
Her pussy was gushing  
Her sweet face was flushing  
He'd finish this now, by the book

He held out his hand for a kiss  
She pressed her lips there with a hiss  
Slid his thumb down her slit  
While he strummed on her clit  
One last whack, she shuddered in bliss

He licked his soaked fingers: a buffet  
Was tempting to hit instant replay  
But he smoothed back her hair  
While she gasped for more air  
"Midnight, Slayer, he rumbled, "Happy birthday"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sarah Aless asked, "Please write me a really naughty Spuffy spanking fic, with a real strict and growly and dominant Spike." She even fluttered her eyelashes at me, cheeky girl. How could I resist? I like imagining Spike with a shiner while this takes place. Does that make me a bad person?


	2. Doing It Spuffy-Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few more naughty Spuffy limericks, originally posted at the seasonal_spuffy community at LiveJournal in April 2009 to meet the minimum "April is Poetry Month" requirement.

When sweet little Buffy met Spike  
she loudly proclaimed her dislike  
Though they fought and they railed,  
once pleasantly impaled,  
she found it’s like riding a bike

Naughty Spike follows sweet little Buffy  
making believe he’s a toughie  
But his kisses are sweet  
and he leaves her replete  
He's quite a cream puff, sure enough-y

A tight-ass with no sense of fun?  
He’ll soon get her motor to run  
It starts sweet enough  
But then she gets rough  
And he’s icing his own hot cross buns


	3. Birthday Limericks for Mere_Ubu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mere_Ubu's [Spaiku](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mere_ubu/pseuds/mere_ubu) is an inspiration to us all, though perhaps that's not always a good thing, as you will soon see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains standard limerick naughtiness.

And now, the silliness:

There once was a poet named William  
Regarding his guts, he’d just spill ‘em  
‘Til he twigged that the way  
to roll girls in the hay  
was to dance with ‘em, tease ‘em, and thrill ‘em

Driving one hot night, right quick  
While Lux croons out “New Kind of Kick”  
Spike says, my heart might not beat  
but this music’s a treat  
Inhales, the Zippo shuts: snick

There once was a Slayer named Buffy  
Who rode on her high horse, quite huffy  
‘Long came our boy Spike  
Gave’r a ride on his pike  
Thought it’d make her all fluffy, not stuffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lastly, the disclaimers: Please, if they're no good, they're only words but... the feeling behind them... *ahem* The meter might be shaky, the rhymes even shakier. That last one was by committee, over cocktails. Could you tell? Also, they aren't nearly as filthy as I had intended them to be. Forgive me, Mere. 
> 
> Originally posted on LiveJournal in September 2008.


	4. Doll!Spike's Limerick Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Novelty poetry lovers unite!
> 
> What could be more appropriate to celebrate mere_ubu's birthday (other than chocolate, hawt fic, and a relaxing foot rub) than another round of limericks? Amirite? Okay then, let's go!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doll!Spike is an action figure who has attention-deficit disorder and a weakness for high-alcohol content vanilla. Mere_ubu has been known to photographically chronicle his misadventures.

Whilst engaging with doll!Spike in play  
An activity some find outré  
Our girl had to get forceful  
though now she’s remorseful  
But the arms fit back on, I daresay

It sounded like just good, clean fun  
A doll, a camera, bourbon  
Although it’s a blast  
It goes south real fast  
When the dolly’s a hard-drinking demon

At first, he cooperates nicely  
But, as the flask empties, it’s dicey  
He loses his shirt  
Which can’t really hurt  
But replacements are getting quite pricey

He rummages in yon weapons chest  
Wee implements of death, wielded with zest  
A broadsword: discarded  
But look here: a halberd  
Stands triumphant! (I know I’m impressed)

Plastic ADD is never in style  
Posing only works for awhile  
Then he’s hacking and slashing  
And running and dashing  
Mere pulls out the stops to beguile

“You’re doing great, big bad hero  
That fern just suffered its death throe  
But you have other skills  
With even more thrills  
Let’s give the violence the heave-ho.”

He levels a smoldering glance  
And slowly begins to advance  
The shutter is clicking  
The vampire gold-bricking  
“C’mon, Spike! Get out of my pants!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay. Don't hurt me. It's just words, people! Happiest of birthdays, Mere, in spite of the above travesty.
> 
> Originally posted on LiveJournal in September 2009.


End file.
